02 June 2013

Let The Mystery Be...

My sister passed in March of 2003 from ovarian cancer...my wife and I were with her doing hospice for two months...she was diagnosed 5 years previous, but finally was overwhelmed by it. Her attitude was wonderful, she had a large support group of women (and a bastard husband who we prefer not to think about now...he drank himself to death a year later)...she and I spoke a lot about matters of varying import...she knew I had presented at the Seattle VA with blood in my urine, although couldn't get an appointment to see a urologist for 6 months. Her pain management consisted solely of some Lorazepam toward the end...although, 5 days before she was to pass she was told to not eat any foods, and 3 days before nothing by mouth...I'd give her ice chips and she'd swish around in her mouth and spit out...she asked for morphine the day before she passed...I was holding her hand, my wife was stroking her forehead and scalp...we were doing a 'guided visualization' of all the beauty she felt in the world and visions of what veil she was going to pass through to a paradise she could imagine...she was having apnea...for 20 minutes or so...she took a deep breath and exhaled...I looked at my wife and said, 'she just left'...my wife suggested we wait a moment...I told her that I felt my sister leave, an electric tingle moved from her hand through my body and then out.

We bathed and prepared her body...and went to bed exhausted, planning on leaving very soon (the husband was no one I wished to be around, and we'd paid our final respects)...when I awoke in the morning I went into the bathroom for my morning pee...which looked like pure blood. Called my wife...gasp...called my doctor back at our home...she asked how soon we could get back...3 days? Didn't bother to go to our house, went to the VA in Fargo (my doctor), had a sonogram...and was found to have bladder cancer.

My sister couldn't heal me, though she knew something was wrong...but I believe she nicked that tumour as she left...so it would bleed and I could get immediate treatment.

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