24 September 2014

The Senility Prayer


The Senility Prayer
God, Grant me the Senility
to forget the people I never liked anyway,
the good fortune to run into the ones that I do,
and the eyesight to tell the difference.
Amen
Now that I'm older, here is what I have discovered --
  • I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

  • My wild oats have turned into prunes and All Bran.

  • I finally got my head together, now my body is falling apart.

  • It's funny, but I don't remember being absent minded.

  • All reports are in ... Life is now officially unfair.

  • If all is not lost, where is it????

  • It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.

  • Some days you are the dog. Some days you are the hydrant.

  • I wish the buck stopped here, I could use a few.

  • Kids in the back seat cause accidents.

  • Accidents in the back seat cause . . . kids.

  • It is hard to make a comeback when you have never been anywhere.

  • The only time the world beats a path to your door is when you are in the bathroom.

  • If God had wanted me to touch my toes, He would have put them on my knees.

  • When I am finally holding all the cards, why does everyone decide to play chess?

  • It is not hard to meet expenses . . . they are everywhere.

  • The only differences between a rut and a grave are the depth and one has the ends kicked out.

  • These days I spend a lot of time thinking about the here after.....
    I go somewhere to get something and then wonder what I am here after.......

  • If I wake up of a morning and nothing hurts, it may be a good indication that I have died during the night.
  • Oh, Well . . . I am lost!  I have gone out looking for myself.
    If I should return before I get back, PLEASE ask me to wait!!

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