The Senility Prayer

The Senility Prayer

God, Grant me the Senility
to forget the people I never liked anyway,
the good fortune to run into the ones that I do,
and the eyesight to tell the difference.
Amen

Now that I'm older, here is what I have discovered --

• I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.


• My wild oats have turned into prunes and All Bran.


• I finally got my head together, now my body is falling apart.


• It's funny, but I don't remember being absent minded.


• All reports are in ... Life is now officially unfair.


• If all is not lost, where is it????


• It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.


• Some days you are the dog. Some days you are the hydrant.


• I wish the buck stopped here, I could use a few.


• Kids in the back seat cause accidents.


• Accidents in the back seat cause . . . kids.


• It is hard to make a comeback when you have never been anywhere.


• The only time the world beats a path to your door is when you are in the bathroom.


• If God had wanted me to touch my toes, He would have put them on my knees.


• When I am finally holding all the cards, why does everyone decide to play chess?


• It is not hard to meet expenses . . . they are everywhere.


• The only differences between a rut and a grave are the depth and one has the ends kicked out.


• These days I spend a lot of time thinking about the here after.....
  I go somewhere to get something and then wonder what I am here after.......


• If I wake up of a morning and nothing hurts, it may be a good indication that I have died during the night.
Oh, Well . . . I am lost!  I have gone out looking for myself.
If I should return before I get back, PLEASE ask me to wait!!